She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
