Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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