new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We need to get me chipped asap
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
