I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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