i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
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