North Korea, Best Korea!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
