your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
