I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
