i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
