if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
