Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
from now on my penis is your penis
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Randomize
