he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
