this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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