You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
