I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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