Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
