It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
