I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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