Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
