Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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