is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize