Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
the liver wants what the liver wants
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Randomize
