i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
