it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize