we have officially lost it.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
