and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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