I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
