Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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