You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
