That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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