Can i not drive my cunt home
I could make wine with my vomit
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
