Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My liver just had a heart attack.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
