im drinking this country out of the recession.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
