Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
