it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
