I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
