I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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