he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
