I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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