I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
