on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
