Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
