Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
