Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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