No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
