Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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