No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
