I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
