It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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