No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You pole danced in your parka.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
