Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
