dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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