When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize