the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
