you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
