I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
