Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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