i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
