this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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