i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
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