He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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