they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
