How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize