Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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