yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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