I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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